were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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