Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
