that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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