Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
