I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
