ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.

  Fav 19 1103 5143

  share tweet
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat

  Fav 24 4861 813

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (214): View more from Texas

  We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.

  Fav 23 6681 908

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????

  Fav 44 958 4908

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.

  Fav 28 3794 1937

  share tweet
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.

  Fav 41 4532 1934

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.

  Fav 4 1078 2507

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.

  Fav 4 1818 739

  share tweet
  

• (567): View more from Ohio

  Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.

  Fav 2 1948 845

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills

  Fav 4 1064 1464

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.

  Fav 1 1161 823

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (816): View more from Missouri

  Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.

  Fav 2 1447 744

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"

  Fav 6 1369 571

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Umm

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Exactly.

  Fav 1 517 752

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon

  Fav 1 37 19

  share tweet
  

Randomize