I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
