Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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