he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
