If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
