last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
