yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
