even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
