if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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