It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
it was like eating out sand paper
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize