walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
