You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
