Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
