i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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