I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
