My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
