my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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