Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
