i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
