Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
