go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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