how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
