she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
