The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
