I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
