I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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