i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
