I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
