If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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