Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
