I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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