she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
