We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
