Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize