It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
