**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
