literally had 100 drinks last night.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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