today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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