All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize