were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize