God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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