haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
