so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
