yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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