I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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