My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
