My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize