You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
