i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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