paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
