All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
