im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
