i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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