just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
