Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
