The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
