i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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