So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my vag is so smooth its legendary
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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