i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
