Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
