omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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