I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
