when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
