I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I could make wine with my vomit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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