i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
