I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I want to make a zoo with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my vagina is haunted
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
