Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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