Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
